*Original Thought

Dear Diary,

Does anyone ever have an original thought?

I sometimes wonder who is running the show.  Where do all my thoughts come from? What are all these voices in my head? Are they the programming I got from school, my grandmother, cultural beliefs, the considerations of what is right or wrong, better than or worse than?  There is a power struggle going on in the background all the time within each thing I do, a little Natzee that must be right, good enough, better than, sure too.  It seems like I will never be enough.  It is the voice that drives me to get out of bed, make a ‘to do’ list and generate all that music in my head.  It just keeps talking… “I’m good enough if I do that, I’m pretty enough if, someday I will be happy when, I will know he likes me when.”

The art or the creative thought seems to be original.  I often wonder if it is?  I’ve heard a similar tune, a strumming, a different cord or two.  So I beg to know and find the line between the past and me, between all certainty, between theirs and mine.  I live to find my original mind, without shadows of time.  Not masked by human kind.

Then there is silence.  No chatter no shame.  Nothing driving me to do.  No need for acceptance.  No lack of me to be.  Not feeling like a fraud.  I loose track of time.  Just me.  Perfectly free.  And then it come, like a silent whisper…..original creativity.  It comes from deep inside, like a knowing of all infinity.  You can hear it as I beat, I’m alive.  They know it true, for they feel me when they hear it too.

And I know…….I know………You’re the one.

The book The Prophet, is dedicated to the beauty of a girl.  It speaks of the miracle, not of her ability to talk with Divine, but her ability to conveyed the message in her own original way.

And so today, I will hope to get out of my way……..

I love you……for no reason…….Just because I do!

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